My main man (R) and I frequently discuss books, blogs, and generally like to tinker around in the world of ideas together. As ENFP idealists sometimes our thinking is shockingly similar. Other times, our thoughts vary considerably upon the idealist spectrum. As idealists are often prone to bouts of darkness and cynicism, different things trigger our negative buttons.

R has an extremely high tolerance for accepting people the way they are whereas I find myself constantly disgruntled by certain types of people, judgemental of certain behaviors, and on a more positive note, an advocate or catalyst for change when needed (upcoming post on The Empowerment Model). I started calling R steamboat because he is so slow to judge, takes a lot of time to gather information, think, and all the while gives people the ultimate benefit of the doubt about 98% of the time. Being a speedboat, I tend to make faster assessments, which are, well, often correct and Steamboat eventually gets there :) , but when my judgements are wrong they can be damaging and discrediting (and I feel like a fool).

There are times when R is light and I am dark and times when I am dark and he is light. It all depends on the topic :) . As idealists though, we try with all our intellectual and emotional might to lean towards, well, the light.

Ara asked me to write a little something about how to get through tough stuff, how to not let the bastards get ya down. I heard someone once say, as you get older life gets harder. I don’t think it’s necessarily related to the fact that with age you tend to have more responsibilities, either. I remember nothing more freeing than to be out from under the sometimes psychotic wing of my family and on my own supporting myself. Life gets harder as you get older because I think you become more aware of your own limitations and mortality essentially. In my profession, I see all that can go wrong with individuals, families, and children in a very intense, sometimes overwhelming way. The more I learn what’s at stake through loving and losing, doing and undoing, coming and going, the more I realize living should be a serious, deliberate event.

Recently, Rich Melman, the founder of Lettuce Entertain You Enterprises, was interviewed and he spoke of how he infuses the therapeudic approach with his business model. Melman said he believes that YOU are the center of all things. Much like Goethe, he suggested that HE controls the climate, HE creates his mood, HE is the decisive element, HE determines his response in all situations.

So keeping these ideas in mind, that I am the center of my universe and you are of yours, I think we can really do anything.

Faith is something I have a little trouble with. I love the idea of karma because it’s input/output…it’s what you do that matters. I’m not so great with the notion of giving up control and the merits of my own personal responsibility to a God. I come from a background where it was suggested that everything was up to God. God chose people to be poor, God chose people to be with horribly selfish and mentally ill spouses, God chose our professions, God chose who could go to college or not, God sometimes even chose what to wear that day. It not only seemed illogical to think God was so personal to interact with our wardrobes, but God seemed like kind of a scapegoat for many people who would not or could not accept personal responsibility. God’s incomprehensible, benevolent plan seemed to be the perfect explanation for our own shortcomings, misfortunes in life that were often so heavy and daunting.

As I get older though, I do detect some need for faith, for a mechanism that suggests some things are truly beyond our control. Given what I know of faith and some of its followers, I’ll admit, I’m not the first in line to trust God. However, this week, I received a thoughtful email from a faithful follower who has taken personal responsibility for his life, supported his family justly and compassionately, and has been very kind towards me. As we exchanged a few philosophic musings, in the end we agreed that we can do our best but essentially must trust God.

For the sake of levity, I didn’t admit that I haven’t built that trust so much. But I do, ultimately trust myself. However, as I said, I do see the need to find a Light to lean towards. I’m just not sure if that’s something that comes from inside my self…or beyond. Perhaps the Light comes from both.