I’ve been quiet.  I’ve been missing R.  He has been in India for almost two weeks and I feel like my right arm and leg are floating around elsewhere…

Thankfully, I have an incredibly busy job these days.  During the evenings it gets tough though.  I know, I know, I’m such a dramatist…but such is the torture and simultaneous joy of being in love :) .

I know I promised I’d write a post specifically on R months ago, but I’ve been hesitant.  A while ago R’s friend sort of asked us off-the-cuff, yet playfully, how things were going between us.  I remember being so ticked when R just shrugged and said “Ok, good.”  I was like, ”We are doing FRIKIN’ FANTASTIC?!?!  Why didn’t you tell your friend that?!” To which R replied calmly, “I know things are incredible..phenomenal…I just don’t want to anger the gods.”  Me: “WHAT???”  R took a deep breath and said something like, “I don’t want to draw attention to or brag about how I feel and how good we have it…it would be boasting and the gods won’t like us.  The gods appreciate humility and won’t strike you if you practice it.”  Maybe that’s just what I call another form of good old Catholic guilt, but I haven’t been able to shake this notion since he mentioned it.  Thus, I’ve hesitated to say too much, to admit, really, how happy I am with R.

Eh, for the sake of this post, I figure dealing with his family stuff keeps me pretty humble :) .  

R and I met randomly through a friend during unexpected circumstances.  I was about to turn in, two blocks from home, when R and my mutual friend called to invite me out.  I agreed and met R.  Turns out we grew up about 40 minutes away from one another in rural Michigan.  Then, while I was in nursing school, he was in medical school at the same college.  We had classes in the same building, brushed shoulders, but never met.  When I left the state for the big city to begin my nursing career he was at a hospital down the street doing his residency.  We shared the same friends and occasionally partied at the same clubs but never met.  It was only until we were a few states away that we met.  

We struggled through long distance for a year, had to break off relationships that hindered our own, and finally took a big leap and decided to travel Southeast Asia for 6 weeks.  It was the best 6 weeks of my life.

As I write this it was almost exactly two years ago we shared our first kiss.  The kiss was really an attack with more gusto and passion than I had ever experienced!  That night I knew there was something unwordly and special about him.  

We’ve gotten into a few horrible fights that I regret but I resolve to live with my mistakes and the inevitable others to come.  Though it’s painful, sometimes we have to forgive ourselves for being human. 

I get annoyed that I can’t function as well alone anymore.  My life, my heart is now indelibly tied to someone else..someone out there…flying thousands of miles up in the air.  The latter is much more unpredictable, it leaves me feeling extremely vulnerable and sometimes full on crazy.  But no one could ever talk me out of it.

Like everyone else, I’ve been through my share of crap, but I never could have dreamed I did anything so right as to meet R.  Sometimes I feel like the gods mixed up and somehow R just snuck into my life by some glorious accident.

Most of the time, if you can believe it, I just forget all this thinking and be happy.  Maybe this is our only life, our one chance, and if so, it’s not long enough to really think through everything.  Even if life were forever, maybe we weren’t designed to think through it all anyway.  

By some way, R has come into my life and made it feel like a miracle and a gift.  He makes me want to raise my head when I’m looking down.  I look to him to answer my never ending questions, to listen like a sage.  He’s my rock, my hero, and my man.  I love him crazily and completely.  I’ve probably taught him a few things too, but for me, he’s changed everything.  He’s the man I wish I had known all my life and can’t imagine spending another day without.  

This two weeks has felt like an eternity.  But he’s coming home soon, and so am I.