Friends — I have much to share.  Lots of new and exciting life decisions have been made by R and I and we are actually preparing for a move across country.   Many, many new changes.  In short, I’ve decided to end this blog here for reasons of practicality (i.e. won’t have time to write much) and also for personal reasons.   R and I have entered a whole new chapter and I feel drawn to a entirely new, and very personal, way of continuing to engage in the questions, problems, and insights that arise between us across cultures.  I have loved meeting so many of you over the past few years — I began bloggin in the first few months of our relationship, years back, and look where R and I have landed!  Thanks for stoping by, reading and sharing your thoughts.  I wish everyone in an intercultural relationship the very best and many blessings — I will certainly give you a very special nod on the street for the rest of my life :) .  So here goes for my last few posts.  This is Day 1 – 7 of what we now call The Great Hindu Wedding Adventure!

As I flip through my journal recapping the events of our 10 day affair I really can’t believe… all that happened!  So much was packed into these few days and I learned so much about R.  I think I learned more about him in 4 days in India than I have in 3.5 years in some ways. 

All in all, it was an amazing experience.  It was a once in a lifetime opportunity to really learn about R’s culture and experience all the richness and intricacy of the traditional Hindu wedding ceremony.  It was something we both will surely never forget.

Day 1 – landed at midnight in Hyderabad, India.  R’s cousin, V greeted us at the airport and took us back to R’s parents apartment there.  By the time we got in, everyone was up and getting ready for the day (days typically start at around 5:00 am in India).  We were greeted by several aunties, cousins, and other family members.  I was feeling pretty good as I had some decent sleep on the plane.  R’s mom (my Ataya) had already purchased several Indian outfits for casual wear throughout the days.  These were mostly chudidars and salwar kameezes.  The aunties seemed happy with how they looked on me and I felt very comfortable in them as well – it’s sort of like wearing pajamas!  We had some delicious Indian food as well.  R, A (R’s brother in law), V and later went to an upscale Indian clothes store called Origins where we looked for wedding kurtas for R.  We found a few leads, but not the kurta.  I then went with several aunties and other ladies shopping for my wedding sari.  I learned that you can’t pick just any wedding sari, but it has to be a pure silk one woven by hand as it is of the highest quality.  You may be able to find more glittery looking sari’s but you not find one of higher quality I learned.  I was given the option of choosing a pink or red sari.  After three stores and about 100 sari viewings (this is actually quite efficient – I hear that one cousin went to 35 stores before her wedding) I picked sort of a cranberry colored one that everyone seemed to like.  We then went back to the bustling apartment.  Shortly after this some cousins and I were carted off to a family friend’s house to sleep (M’s place) for the night.  It was a good day – great to meet so many family members.  I still had my adrenalin going at this point and jet lag hadn’t kicked in… yet.

Day 2 – This day was the big, crazy, “NK needs a time out”, shopping day.  The day started off well.  Woke up at I went with my sister-in-law and cousins to the old part of Hyderabad, Charminar, to get bangles.  There is an entire “bangles section” of the city.  We also needed to get some additional things – like hair clips and whatnot.  Anyway, after we were done with our painstaking search for the right bangles, a mid-day monsoon hit!  The streets were flooding and the rains were coming down hard.  The bangle store man gave us plastic bags to wear on our heads which looked pretty funny.  As we waded through the flooded streets (up to out knees!) one girl commented on how she saw feces floating down the river!  After we waited out the rain as long as we could we got back into the car.  I thought we were going home but 1, 2, and then I think three stores later (and after about 18 hours of shopping in 2 days), I requested a “time out!”  We quickly stopped at yet another store and then got back to the apartment.  Here’s where sensory overload his: from non-stop shopping, jet lag kicking in, and tons of people everywhere in the apartment I’m stressed and anxious.  Eventually I get back to M’s house in my own little room (whew, relief) knowing full well that only day three awaits (oh, boy).  I did a lot of journaling that night – pretty overwhelmed with everything.  R tried to make sure I had everything I needed… but it was just very overwhelming.

Day 3 – R came to wake me up with the suggestion that we go out to lunch together alone.  My brain was spinning and overwhelmed, so this seemed to make sense.  When I went to check my email, I found out that my grandmother had passed away.  All in all, it was a tough morning.  R took me to St. Joseph’s Catholic Church to say a prayer and collect my thoughts.  St. Joseph’s was a beautiful space where we enjoyed peace and calm.  I said a prayer for my grandmother and for my mom.  R appreciated the way the saint statues were adorned with garlands similar to how the Hindu saints are. 

Learning more about one another’s faith and spirituality was one of the highlights of the trip.  At no time did I feel R’s faith conflicted with mine and vice versa.  As I describe later, I learned that Hinduism did nothing but enhance and strengthen my own faith. 

After these cherished moments of quiet with R we headed back to the apartment where it seemed to be unusually quite.  R’s family offered me condolences and we were able to relax a while before attending R’s cousins engagement party.  After the engagement party we went to the airport with R’s dad to pick up my dad and R’s friends.  

Seeing the Americans come in off the plane, looking fresh from their showers and rest taken in Bombay, was a treat.  It was great to see the gang and welcome them to India.  A few of R’s friends waited with us to greet my dad as he was about to come in off the plane.  We all eagerly awaited his arrival, anticipating how he would look/feel after the biggest trip of his lifetime.  In true form, my dad came out of the airport high fiving people and helping women with their luggage.  He looked pretty good and had met quite a few people along his journey already.  We were taken to a guesthouse where we would stay for the next three nights.  We ended a hard day with good thoughts, good feelings.

Day 4 – R went to show the Americans a famous fort and I opted to stay back and introduce my dad to R’s family.  I thought I was actually reducing stress/coordination this way but it turns out the family had to scramble for rides these way.  Sorry everyone!  Just trying to help!  My dad and I were eventually picked up by D (R’s sister) and V (R’s cousin).  I introduced him to the family and had some great breakfast foods of idly and sambar.  V agreed to take my dad and I on a autorickshaw ride to the Burla Temple which turned out to be closed.  We made due and had a look at the various statues of world leaders.  We saw the Buddha in the water, too.  V was a wonderful guide and we were very thankful for his time.  That night we had a party at the farmhouse where the Americans were staying.  I think my dad enjoyed seeing a farm with mango trees and such in India.  R and I were pleasantly surprised to find a cake which we fed to each other.  Also, notably, I almost stepped on a huge scorpion scurrying across my path!  I should mention that the day previous I got an electric shock by trying my luck with a faulty outlet, and you’ll read on day 5 how I dropped fire on my sari.  Things happen in threes, yes?!

Day 5 -  And amazing day here.  I was taken to M’s house for my “Making of the bride puja.”  This is where I invoke the female goddess Lakshmi and embody her spirit as I proceed through the Hindu wedding ritual.  Timing was important for this ritual as well in that I needed to have certain rituals done at certain times to properly invoke the female goddess.  It was pleasantly quite at M’s house as everyone else was over at the apartment for R’s “making of the groom” puja.  My aunt, V, was helping dress me and to conduct the puja.  M’s was there as well as her mother and cousin to help.  Being dressed in the sari, sindoor placement, and gold jewelry placement was an absolute treat.  The sari was a gorgeous pick with lost of sparkly things, pinks and yellows looking very great with my color.  I truly felt like a princess and sort of reveled in people fussing about making everything on me look just right.  I never went to prom or anything like that, so this was a first.  At some point the Hindu priest arrived and I moved over to the area of worship in the house.  I was instructed to sit.  Then, M quicky urged, “Pray NK pray!”  At this moment, I laughed a little bit inside and thought of a book I read and how it stressed that Hinduism encompass both the sacred and profane.  I never had a real world example of this until I traveled India and furthermore experienced Indian culture as a family member, or perhaps honorary India as you will.  As the photographers lights flashed and flashed throughout the sacred ceremony the connection between the sacred and the profane couldn’t have become more real.  This idea would help me explain a lot of things in the next few days of religious ceremonies I was to experience.  Thousands of years old holy traditions and invoking of the gods often unfolded in the midst of every day chaos, drama, and even the mundane.  It kind of made me smile and think, “in no other religion can I imagine this happening… people shouting at you to repeat vows ‘for the camera,’ the camera flashing throughout the most sacred moments, and having aunties worry about fixing your sari whilst the holy mungal sutra is placed.”  In a way, it kind of all brings you back down to earth in the midst of all these otherworldly things unfolding around you.  And this is the stuff of life, right?  Love often unfolds in the midst of every day messes, the most perfect plans are botched by an act of nature, etc. etc.  We are all too human and only in India is this fully realized.  Only in India can the sacred and the profane sometimes breed the most perfect and surprising harmony. 

I digress, the “Making of the Bride Ceremony” (which I believe it is called directly) was very beautiful and meditative.  Notably, the pujas are very participatory where you are directly involved in touching various things, smelling, and even tasting.  Examples of this are breaking a coconut open which symbolizes the breaking of the ego (hard outer shell) to get to the good stuff inside.  Another is fanning flames of fire toward the picture or symbol of the god to invoke him or her.  After a series of other rituals involving touching and moving tumeric and other agricultural elements, I sat and sort of meditated on the image of Lakshmi in the form of a painted mask pinned up on the wall.  She was adorned with jasmine on this special day as well.  Meditating on the mask caused me to meditate on the female spirit I was invoking – it was quite powerful.  I was to embody the cosmic, grand feminine spirit on this day, and it was nothing short of a complete thrill and honor.

My dad arrived at the puja to offer blessings and I was instructed to drink the rest of a sweet item as we could not throw it away (it was an offering to the god).  We then went over to the family apartment to greet R post “Making of the Groom.”  When I arrived several family and friends were huddled around and checking out how I looked in my first formal sari.  R looked very handsome in a red tunic and we posed for several pictures and sat together at the front of the room for a while.  The family/friends at this point become sort of an audience and you just… sit there.  While sitting there I felt that R and I were recognized for the first time in front of the community.  This was a wonderful feeling that I had struggled to experience for so long.  I also learned how to say “Namaste” and touch feet and hands appropriately out of a sign of respect.  After a few hours or so we went to the “Making of the bride” luncheon.  We had excellent food here (yet again) and were photographed again by the desirazzi (that’s Telugu for paparazzi!).  I got to sit in a big, red chair and receive blessings from several folks as a bride to me.  Again, it felt so rewarding to stand next to R if only to take pictures.  It didn’t matter how we got there, but we were there, finally, viewed by his family and friends as the soon-to-be wife of R. 

Day 6 – This is the day I most distinctly remember as the day my dad said “I’m about to faint” in the car.  We had been driving out for about 20-30 minutes and I had a suspicion that my dad was not feeling well.  He refused to admit anything was wrong saying earlier, “Well I can sit in my hotel room and feel sorry for myself or I can just keep going.”  Keep going he did until his body told him, “stop!”  I gave him some Gatorade in the car and quickly got him back to the apartment where he rested for a while.  It was decided that he should hang back and not come on the overnight train to Tirupati.  He would fly into Tirupati with who would become his new best friend, R-M, in a few days.  R and I were able to see a museum in Hyderabad (Salar Jung Museum) for a short while and then we headed back to the apartment to get ready for the overnight train.  After a confusing period over what train car was actually ours, we settled into our train cars.  I slept pretty hard that night as I was generally tired.  I remarked how amazing it was that R’s parents are able to travel like this – with their grandkids!  I don’t think it’s something my parents would ever do.  R’s dad told me that his mom does this stuff all the time.  I was certainly impressed!

Day 7 – Woke up around 6, day light coming in, ready to exit train.  Washed face, brushed teeth, had breakfast with the aunties, and was ready to climb up to the holy Tirupati to visit a god turned to stone – Sri Venkateswara.  Not many people wore sandals up the sacred 3,500 mountain steps but it was allowed.  I felt slightly bad for not going barefoot, but my pancake like feet may not have made it up otherwise.  R and I had some precious quiet moments on the walk that I thoroughly enjoyed.  We say monkeys, deer, and sat under the banyon tree that R loves.  We saw that someone had written “I love you!” next to the tree which was cute.  We ran into a few pleasant folks, N and C, here and there on the way up.  The climb was surreal, beautiful, and not to mention some much needed exercise.   There were several statues of gods, and offerings to the gods along the way.  The climb with R was very memorable for both of us. 

After this we went to the guesthouse, showered, and then R went back to collect his friends.  I tried to sneak in a little nap with no luck thanks to a cute little new niece I have!  J  That evening we went to visit two other temples for blessings which were also incredible experiences.  We went to the Padmavathi temple – the wife of Sri Venkateswara.  R’s family and I all sat crossed legged around the idol Padmavathi while the priest put various things on our heads and we received blessings.  The temple seemed very old and historic.  It was a wonderful, prayerful time with R’s family and I really enjoyed it.  We also went to the more modern and ostentatious Hare Krishna temple where there was a showing of several gods adorned in gold.  There was more singing and dancing here.  It then started to downpour delaying our exit from the temple so we just hang around until it stopped.  After this, back to the guest house for some needed sleep.

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