Stuff I’ll be writing about… Dan Savage’s Savage Love… http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove
Review of the book Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/01/fashion/01hook.html?pagewanted=1&ei=5088&en=6028311b25d044fe&ex=1330405200&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss
Author of Straight Up and Dirty:
http://stephanieklein.blogs.com/
Awesome series…make sure and type in 2-6 as well at the end…
http://www.nerve.com/personalessays/hepola/cryinginrestaurants/
Weighing in on interracial dating/marrying scene (a site I used to frequent until I got kicked off! Ha ha!):
http://colorblindcupid.wordpress.com/2008/
March 22, 2008 at 6:58 pm
NK I did not know you got kicked off CBCs site….?….
March 23, 2008 at 6:26 am
NK is just too free sprited for CBC *wink*
March 24, 2008 at 4:30 am
Actually, I hate to say this, but maybe too free spirited more for CA, than CBC, and I like everyone LOL.
March 24, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Hhaha…you guys are funny and awesome…will write more later on this :). The site did feel a little reductionary… anyway…
March 26, 2008 at 4:27 pm
NK, you’ve been sooo quite, you must be having too much fun with R hehe
March 26, 2008 at 10:02 pm
All work and no play makes NK a dull girl….
March 27, 2008 at 3:44 am
aww.. I understand that one. Hmm.. I think I’ll write a blog thread about it hehehe
March 27, 2008 at 7:07 am
*wink*
April 2, 2008 at 6:58 pm
I’m a fool, reductionary isn’t a word. Grr. Reductionistic. I wouldn’t go as far as to say it is a racist blog (well at least the author…not entirely sure about the toxic side kick though) but it caters towards doing things the white way and how to bend Indians to it. Not my style. However, I have noticed they have toned down their bark a bit lately. I still read because I like some of the people who comment, but engaging with them is just an upstream battle. I’d rather reach out, learn, focus on the positive and try to understand rather than judge. This attitude has worked extremely well for me.
Met one of R’s cousins and it went very, very well. She made the comment that, “NK already knows everything [about Indian culture]!” This is a kind over estimation on her part, but it made me feel really good. I have verrry measured expectations (i.e. low expectations for his family), feel more and more confident in my relationship, and know that regardless of what his family does, R’s got my back. And I’ve got his. Good things are in store for us. But again, that’s just my unique situation, so I can’t really relate to all this anger and strife over things that don’t really bother me about Indian culture.
April 3, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Ugh, I can’t read that blog any more! I’ve discovered it infuriates me too much. It’s one thing to hear alternative points of view and another thing entirely to have to encounter people so unwilling to think critically about their own beliefs and unwilling to acknowledge or understand the feelings and ideas of others. And as a librarian, I just can’t stand the kind of censorship they practice!
Okay, in the spirit of the “toxic side kick” (I love that by the way!), I’ll do:
/rant
Glad things are going well with you and R!
April 4, 2008 at 12:42 am
The site has become too utopian, and has a little religious tinge to it, with billions of people around everyone has a unique experience, you cant just box em.Then again , I ran into folk like you
I’m glad to hear about you n R, you must have been busy cooking up spicy hot indian food
April 4, 2008 at 1:49 am
How did you know 6mile?! I swear, you are such an intuitive fellow! I just made Cilatro-Mint Chicken curry, Coconut Red Dal, and am marinating the Chicken for Tikka masala tomorrow :). I’m also doing cumin/corriandor beef for R’s arrival tomorrow. I know, I know I’m going a little nuts here…but hey he’s worth it :). Got any ideas for a spiced up basmati rice to go with it?
April 4, 2008 at 5:47 am
You seem so peppy lately,I figured you must be getting an extra dose of spice,hehe. Besides, I know how much you like Indian food *wink*
maybe,you could try this
http://www.bawarchi.com/contribution/contrib1886.html
April 4, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Aww look at your new pic CT, cute stuff!!! In terms of “the other site” R always seems to bring up the most measured, non-judgemental points (even though he’s Indian!). He’s like “Well at least it provided some resources, dialogue and maybe it helps all those people who honestly can’t quite bring themselves to bend to the Indian ways.” I’m still a huge advocate of Brown ways and will defend them to the end!!
April 4, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Ugh! How did that silly pic of me get up there? I didn’t realize it would go up everywhere!
NK - that food sounds so good!
April 4, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Ahhh !!i tried posting yest, sumthin went wrong i guess.
this looked like a dish you might like to try out http://www.bawarchi.com/contribution/contrib1886.html
April 4, 2008 at 4:06 pm
HAhahah are those pictures of tapas?! You are too funny, CT. Btw, loved your rant?! I wasn’t expecting that out of you but it was pretty AWESOMESAUCE.
Hey…you know if you ever want to guest post…oh say about the process of wedding planning and such :)…just say the word hehe :).
Have a fun date tonight, sorry again that I can’t crash it!! Some time…some day sort of soon, I know it!
April 4, 2008 at 5:16 pm
Tapas?!! It’s actually a picture of the God Ganesh (kind of abstract looking though)! That’s too funny!
I’d love to do a guest post - let me see what I can come up with. Hope you have a great time with R - sounds like he has a delicious meal in store!
April 4, 2008 at 6:57 pm
I posted two comments yesterday and they dint show up !
April 4, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Oh no dear! I’m on it..
April 4, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Oh I get ‘em now! Not sure why it did that. Yes, I have been much more peppy and yes…it’s because of the spice :). I must have really done something right in a former life…
June 25, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Hey…was going to e-mail you about this because I don’t want to clog up Gori’s blog anymore but I don’t see your e-mail linked anywhere. This seems to be an appropriate place to put this, though, since you were talking about it here, too. (Didn’t see this string until now.) Your comments in Gori’s “Comments Policy” post cracked me up. I also couldn’t believe the “self reflecting” post, ha! Especially since it came exactly on the heels of D.Jain’s comment about the same topic. And now it seems BGS has come out of hiding again, so we can sit back and watch the whole thing go downhill. Anyway, now I’m apparently a 13-year-old with no life, and I have to get back to work, so I’ll stop.
/rant. :p
BTW, Dan Savage rocks. Have you listened to his podcast?
June 25, 2008 at 8:43 pm
Good call, D. I don’t want to cludder up Gori’s blog with negativity and off the topic stuff (since her blog has been such a welcomed respite for me).
Yup, I seriously coughed sipping my tea when I caught that one.
I still lurk over there now simply out of amusement. I don’t take all that much seriously anymore because the logic just seems to be so absurd and unyielding. It’s as bad as all the MIL’s and families they loathe. And that brings me to my next point. Many things (especially with CA) the trinity says they are not…they actually are and vice versa. “We’re not jerks!” “We aren’t 13!” “We have lives (but are online all day during free time and blogging while on vacation)!” and then the versa: “We’re self-reflective and thoughtful!”
People just kill me and IS WHY I LOVE DAN SAVAGE, TOO! R and I were just listening to his podcast today.
I’m probably just extra peeved because that was my first resource and it could have steered me VERRRRY badly if I hadn’t found people like CT, sf, Gori, Aditya, you, and more…
You know what? He’s a totally naughty hunch I’m going to make on ma blog here: it seems the liberal people around the blogs can deal with their Indian/American relationship better. There I said it. It seems the only way conservatives can make it work is if their partner is their same brand of Christianity.
Anyway, welcome to what I think are greener, more hopeful pastures. But if you do still wish to comment over there and see the good things (and they are there, I’m just so done with even clinging to those here and there moments) please continue to do so!!! I would never want to discourage anyone from expressing their views, anywhere. But if you are genuinely tired like, oh probably about at least 10 other readers from there I know, stick around our little web ring :).
June 25, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Oh and since you are a 13yo with no life, want to hang out at my place smoke pot and get tatoos? That’s apparently what I do!!! HAHAHHAHAHAH!!!!!
June 26, 2008 at 4:08 am
Hmm… I must have missed the party while MIA
June 26, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Hey it’s the 13 year old and the tattooed druggie! According to CA, I’m from vile California, land of evil, immoral people.
Since this is the space to rant, I’ll just say that my favorite part of that blog was when I realized “Belle” and “BGS” were the same person and that BGS was actually using a second identity to give support to her own positions. For somebody who talks so much about how integrity is so important to her, she sure doesn’t have a lot of it.
When someone says something critical about me, the first thing I do is examine my own behavior and see if there’s any validity to the criticism. The first thing the trinity seems to do when facing criticism is assume that the people doing the criticizing are awful, evil people. It’s so hard for me to understand how people can have such high opinions of themselves and no humility whatsoever.
June 26, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Yeah, ara. You missed me reaching the end of my rope.
NK, thanks for sharing your naughty hunch. I’ve had the same naughty hunch for months now. It still floors me that such conservative people would even think to get into an intercultural relationship to begin with. But then again, I’m a Godless heathen (I actually had a minister call me that once, BTW), so what do I know? It looks like I got out just in time, too, because now Bible quotes are being thrown around and I just can’t get into that.
And you know you shouldn’t entice 13-year-olds with pot. Teenagers don’t do those sorts of things.
June 26, 2008 at 2:01 pm
I also believe whole heartedly in the naughty hunch!
June 26, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Hehehehhe…we are horrible…but I don’t care so much!
My point (and I know you guys’ points) are not to go around ripping apart people on the internet, but I think we owe ourselves a little venting after our shared experiences.
Beyond that, I always find it interesting (yet sometimes only amusing) to put myself in the shoes of other people and try to understand their thinking. And you know what I’ve found? It has been much easier to put myself in R’s mom’s shoes and understand where she’s coming from than the “conservative” (for lack of a better term…
white girls and how they have handeled their American/Indian relationships. I have felt more hurt, anger, and confusion from trying to participate on that site than from R’s parents!!! Now to be fair, R’s parents have said made a few silly assertions about me without knowing me, but I can understand much of their fears/etc. when I put them into context. But all this CBC hyper-sensitivity, “taking it personal,” focus on the “selfishness” of the MIL/DIL, and refusal to get past feelings and onto PRODUCTIVE, “here’s how it can really work” info exasperates me. I’m sooo happy with the latest GG posts!!! It’s not all sunshine and rainbows–people are expressing serious, legitimate issues from the heart and head–and commentors are helping to create pathways to make things work (not just venting angry feelings…blah).
Anywho, I certainly enjoy hearing how you girls think and AM open to challenge and asking the “hard questions.” I’d just rather put the elbow greese into working it out rather than being stubborn and mad all the time.
: - )
June 26, 2008 at 6:46 pm
And yup D…if you can’t take the heat…GET OUT OF THE INDIAN KITCHEN!!!!!!!! :)
June 26, 2008 at 8:15 pm
NK, I agree with you on all counts. And I’m quite finished with the venting; time to move onto more constructive matters.
June 26, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Right on sister!
June 26, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Well since every one is venting, I might as well let some frustration out as well.
\begin{rant}
I am yet to see any one with so much negativity as BGS about Indian culture and people. Keep in mind that she is quite proud of being a WASP and her parents and there is some not so subtle mentioning about how she is getting her Ph. D and how she used to work in wall street… reminds me of some of the Indian aunties who are proud of their kids who are “doing the computers”=)
\end{rant}
June 27, 2008 at 4:29 am
LOL, party like a rockstar
I just stay out of it all LOL. I see enough drama at work. If fact, I get called all sorts of stuff daily, including a nurse throwing a temper-tantrum in the pharmacy right when our area coordinator came in..making all sorts of comments about how she’d been trying to get her medicine for over a week. She uh, faxed in her prescriptions from HER doctor on the doctor she WORKS for’s letter head. By law, that’s impersonating a doctor. They can only call in scripts for the doctor’s they work for.. Thank goodness we have a great manager now that will hold his ground. He took her aside and explained it to her MUHAHHAAH.. stupid.. uh, n/m if I can’t say something nice, I’ll just shut up 
June 27, 2008 at 4:43 am
This may sound kind of stupid, but my family actually sounds more similar to Indian families than what typical “white” American families are portrayed as…
How so? Well, we try to never put our elders in the nursing home, they instead come to live with us *stress*. I was in high school when my grandfather died, so grandma came to live with us. I had to share my bedroom and bed with her for a long time. We finally added on a room to our house so she’d have her own space. My mom and grandmother have traditionally always used a LOT of spices in our meals. We have ALWAYS used CorningWare products. In fact, to find an old set, mom and I went around to secondhand shops until we could put together a descent set for me when I got my apt. Um, we have HUGE family reunions at LEAST once a year, and if it is out of town, we usually spend the night at other relative’s homes instead of the motel/hotel thingy. But, we do not really express a mob mentality, well for the most part. But maybe it’s because I come from a mixed heritage that we live this way. Also, we don’t really tell our parents about our relationships either until it’s for the long-haul, esp since my mom is VERY opinionated LOL.
That all being said doesn’t mean I don’t feel like an American, but perhaps I just fall into a different niche of American life. I am not knocking others that behave/were raised differently, it just makes me feel more open to other’s thoughts and opinions. Plus, I feel like it gives me a perspective on other cultures if that makes any sense at all?
June 27, 2008 at 2:10 pm
OMG Sooraj…(choke)!!! Another GREAT example of someone who despises what they actually are.
Ara–sorry work sucks and yeah sounds like your family is pretty Indian!
I am enjoying the MOST delicious and spicy paulo (spelling?) and tandoori chicken R’s mom made. She is one HECK of a cook. Wooo weee!!
June 27, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Sooraj, too funny!
NK - I believe it’s spelled pulao, although there are 5 different spellings for just about any cooking/food term depending on which language you’re using. Has R’s mom taught you to make any dishes yet? I’m trying to make one new Indian dish a week, with much assistance from Madhur Jaffrey. I’d love for my MIL to teach me, but all of her cooking is “oh, throw this and that in there and cook it for awhile.” I can do that for pretty much any other cuisine, but I’m not there yet with Indian food.
Ara - G is also working in a pharmacy right now in prepraration for going to pharmacy school. He has new stories about crazy people every day, so I can sympathize with your plight. Oh, and he always makes note of the Indian men who come in for their E.D. meds. He said it’s creepy because they could be one of his uncles and he doesn’t want to think about that, haha. Also, I think what you said about your family makes perfect sense. My family has a lot of similar qualities, as well. I think it does help in developing an understanding of other cultures in which family is put first.
June 27, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Well…I haven’t met his mom yet
but I eat her food…hehe!
I am meeting the rents in the fall. It’s going to be kind of a big, more formalesque deal. Although I’m excited and nervous R has really done an amazing job over the past 6 months prepping his parents to meet me. It hasn’t been an easy road but he used steady, consistent dialogue and caring to break through a lot of their fears and concerns. I don’t know how the heck he does it…he has this totally Ghandi style I don’t understand (but it is quite something to witness!!!). I think had he used other techniques his family would be at war right now. Maybe I’ll have him write down his strately for other Traditional Indians working through the same issues.
I have this dream that one day his mom will teach me to cook and we can build our relationship sort of through food (I love Indian food more than any in the world). Of course I get all crazy and think about publishing a recipe/snipets about overcoming cultual barriers book about it!! Her and I on the cover wearing sari’s…
June 27, 2008 at 10:58 pm
“I have this dream that one day his mom will teach me to cook and we can build our relationship sort of through food (I love Indian food more than any in the world).”
NK: That is traditionally how the bonding happens between Indian women of various ages in India. So I suppose it is a good thing. Although, I do cringe at the gender separation at social events driven by gender separation in household chores which leaves all the women in the Kitchen, cooking and gossiping (so I hear, I have no evidence to back this up).
June 28, 2008 at 5:34 am
D, then G understands EXACTLY what I go through at work LOL. I don’t try to pay to much attention to those getting E.D. pills. What creeps me out the most is when someone that I KNOW gets medication for it. It’s like, EWWWW, I did NOT want to think about them in that way LOL.
June 29, 2008 at 3:38 am
Sooraj, that’s very nice to hear!! Thanks for stopping by.
Ara–that is some kind of funny work drama. But honestly? I kinda like it when people who have trouble in that area seek ways they can “do it.” Hehe. I’m a big fan of intimacy and affection at any age. I was so devastated to hear of this middle aged man who pulled his father out of a nursing home because he caught him fooling around with a lady resident. The two residents were an item and what they were doing was consensual and probably quite healthy!!! I guess the woman’s health really went down hill after her partner was removed by his son. What child should have this kind of authority over a parent?! I think it’s sad when people are stigmatized or punished like that for expressing themselves sexually. The elderly are sexual beings, too!! I don’t know…maybe I’m partial because a few people have told me that they think I’m going to be a pretty cougar-like lady well into old age—ha!
But yes, stick with that drama, ara. However, sometimes it’s good to take a stand on things and throw yourself in the ring of conflict a bit :). You too can have ovaries of steele!! HHHAA!
R and I fly out to Bangkok tomorrow!
June 29, 2008 at 11:57 am
NK - oops! I forgot that you haven’t met R’s parents yet. Sorry about that. Have a fantastic trip!
Sooraj - I agree that there is a marked gender separation at Indian gatherings, with the women mainly in the kitchen preparing food. But if I think about it, we tend to have some gender separation at my family’s events, too, since again, the women are the ones who are preparing the meal. I’m lucky that the men in my husband’s family are a little more egalitarian and usually offer to help with minor preparation, setting out the meal, and cleaning up afterwards, so the divide is slightly less distinct than that of other Indian families.
June 29, 2008 at 5:10 pm
NeoKalypso - the TableTalk thread of which CA wrote about can be found here, midthread. I was wondering about it too, and googled to find it…
June 30, 2008 at 1:27 pm
GG, I was trying to find that and couldn’t. Thanks for tracking it down.