Sooraj – I agree that there is a marked gender separation at Indian gatherings, with the women mainly in the kitchen preparing food. But if I think about it, we tend to have some gender separation at my family’s events, too, since again, the women are the ones who are preparing the meal. I’m lucky that the men in my husband’s family are a little more egalitarian and usually offer to help with minor preparation, setting out the meal, and cleaning up afterwards, so the divide is slightly less distinct than that of other Indian families.

Ara–that is some kind of funny work drama. But honestly? I kinda like it when people who have trouble in that area seek ways they can “do it.” Hehe. I’m a big fan of intimacy and affection at any age. I was so devastated to hear of this middle aged man who pulled his father out of a nursing home because he caught him fooling around with a lady resident. The two residents were an item and what they were doing was consensual and probably quite healthy!!! I guess the woman’s health really went down hill after her partner was removed by his son. What child should have this kind of authority over a parent?! I think it’s sad when people are stigmatized or punished like that for expressing themselves sexually. The elderly are sexual beings, too!! I don’t know…maybe I’m partial because a few people have told me that they think I’m going to be a pretty cougar-like lady well into old age—ha!

But yes, stick with that drama, ara. However, sometimes it’s good to take a stand on things and throw yourself in the ring of conflict a bit . You too can have ovaries of steele!! HHHAA!

R and I fly out to Bangkok tomorrow!

NK: That is traditionally how the bonding happens between Indian women of various ages in India. So I suppose it is a good thing. Although, I do cringe at the gender separation at social events driven by gender separation in household chores which leaves all the women in the Kitchen, cooking and gossiping (so I hear, I have no evidence to back this up).

I am meeting the rents in the fall. It’s going to be kind of a big, more formalesque deal. Although I’m excited and nervous R has really done an amazing job over the past 6 months prepping his parents to meet me. It hasn’t been an easy road but he used steady, consistent dialogue and caring to break through a lot of their fears and concerns. I don’t know how the heck he does it…he has this totally Ghandi style I don’t understand (but it is quite something to witness!!!). I think had he used other techniques his family would be at war right now. Maybe I’ll have him write down his strately for other Traditional Indians working through the same issues.

I have this dream that one day his mom will teach me to cook and we can build our relationship sort of through food (I love Indian food more than any in the world). Of course I get all crazy and think about publishing a recipe/snipets about overcoming cultual barriers book about it!! Her and I on the cover wearing sari’s…

NK – I believe it’s spelled pulao, although there are 5 different spellings for just about any cooking/food term depending on which language you’re using. Has R’s mom taught you to make any dishes yet? I’m trying to make one new Indian dish a week, with much assistance from Madhur Jaffrey. I’d love for my MIL to teach me, but all of her cooking is “oh, throw this and that in there and cook it for awhile.” I can do that for pretty much any other cuisine, but I’m not there yet with Indian food.

Ara – G is also working in a pharmacy right now in prepraration for going to pharmacy school. He has new stories about crazy people every day, so I can sympathize with your plight. Oh, and he always makes note of the Indian men who come in for their E.D. meds. He said it’s creepy because they could be one of his uncles and he doesn’t want to think about that, haha. Also, I think what you said about your family makes perfect sense. My family has a lot of similar qualities, as well. I think it does help in developing an understanding of other cultures in which family is put first.

Ara–sorry work sucks and yeah sounds like your family is pretty Indian!

I am enjoying the MOST delicious and spicy paulo (spelling?) and tandoori chicken R’s mom made. She is one HECK of a cook. Wooo weee!!

How so? Well, we try to never put our elders in the nursing home, they instead come to live with us *stress*. I was in high school when my grandfather died, so grandma came to live with us. I had to share my bedroom and bed with her for a long time. We finally added on a room to our house so she’d have her own space. My mom and grandmother have traditionally always used a LOT of spices in our meals. We have ALWAYS used CorningWare products. In fact, to find an old set, mom and I went around to secondhand shops until we could put together a descent set for me when I got my apt. Um, we have HUGE family reunions at LEAST once a year, and if it is out of town, we usually spend the night at other relative’s homes instead of the motel/hotel thingy. But, we do not really express a mob mentality, well for the most part. But maybe it’s because I come from a mixed heritage that we live this way. Also, we don’t really tell our parents about our relationships either until it’s for the long-haul, esp since my mom is VERY opinionated LOL.

That all being said doesn’t mean I don’t feel like an American, but perhaps I just fall into a different niche of American life. I am not knocking others that behave/were raised differently, it just makes me feel more open to other’s thoughts and opinions. Plus, I feel like it gives me a perspective on other cultures if that makes any sense at all?